Following in Cam Tovey's footsteps from last week with his Cam's Chinwag column and before Brad Robbins is let loose next week, I have decided to write my first column for the Wildcats website from the eyes of my dog, Petey. Enjoy!
Sup, I’m Petey. I’m the proud best friend of my owner and master, Damian Martin. Technically I’m a border collie x toy poodle but I consider myself a pure bred border collie who just had growth defects and looks nothing like my kin. I’m no Clydesdale. I’m not a hard working animal. I'll guard my Master’s gate from about 9am-midday and then a shift in the afternoon but I tend to get easily...
Oooohhhh yeah, that feels good. That’s the spot right there.....sorry, needed a quick scratch...
Where was I, oh yeah, I tend to get easily distracted. I’m not intended to be a guard dog, that’s what Lou Lou is for. She works all day and all night guarding the backyard. I don’t work nights. I clock off right at sun going down time and don’t believe in over time, or the Atkins diet, but that’s neither here nor there.
Aside from living with Damian, my other housemates include Brad and Charlie Robbins, Lou Lou and another housemate whom I have never had the pleasure of licking. Here is a quick rundown of the other housemates.
Lou Lou – She’s a beautiful, female, pure bred German Shepherd.
Damian – He is my master. Bought me two years ago from a pet shop and it has been smooth sailing ever since.
Brad Robbins – He is my Master’s housemate. He doesn’t have a large vocabulary. All I ever hear him say is “Petey, get out”, “Damian, Petey pood on my rug again”, “Petey, stop licking Charlie” and “Damian, Petey pood in my bedroom again”... He also speaks to another house mate who I have never met. This mysterious housemate is rarely around though and I only ever hear Robbo talk to him a few times per week and always at night time. The person’s name is God and I always hear Brad saying things like “God, please don’t let Tyson Demos hurt me anymore”, and “God, please help me lose some weight so the boys stop calling me Chunky Custard” and “God, please make my eye brows stop growing, my vision is getting blurred”. Like I said, I’ve never actually seen this God fella around. Maybe he does fly-in, fly-out with a mining company.
Finally, there is Charlie; Robbo’s three-year-old son, or as Lou Lou and I refer to him, the “Devil-child”. If you combined the strength of Andrew Vlahov, Hulk Hogan, Chuck Norris and Mr T then you would have Charlie “I’ll discipline the dogs” Robbins. He is the strongest “human” (I use that term lightly because I have my doubts) this side of the Nullarbor. I have been at parks before and seen him bully five-year-olds so he gets first use of the slide, shove a six-year-old after he told Charlie that Ben 10 is better than Dora the Explorer (I’m a Lassie type of guy) and when we are at the playground, he is the one who does the pushing while Brad sit on the swing set. Brad and Damian love him, but Lou Lou and I see him for who he really is. He is as smart as MacGyver, that’s why my master and Brad never see what he does to us. Hosing us in the face and pulling our tails, combined with a poke to the face is not good treatment of a dog. Someone, please call the RSPCA.
He is a pretty good dancer though and I highly encourage you all to check out his moves at www.youtu.be/qCwekHorYT0
We also get the occasional visitor in Cameron Tovey and he brings his two little dogs, a Maltese Shih Tzu named Dexter and a pure bred shiatsu called Daisy. Speaking of Cam he recently took me to the zoo the other day, it was terrible. All they had there was one animal. I went all the way to the zoo expecting to see lions and tigers and bears (oh my) and all they had was one dog. Yeah, it was a Shih Tzu. (Cue applause. Thanks Drew Williamson for that one)
Overall, it’s a pretty good life. Daily walks by the beautiful Canning River, lots of fun smells; usually from Brad’s room, a best mate, fellow dog to play with and now my own column for the best basketball fans in the land.
I read Cam Tovey’s article last week and liked how he signed off with a riddle, so I’d like to leave you with a quote.
“Woof woof, ohhh grrr, woof grrr”. Or to you common folk, “everyone’s entitled to their own opinions. Mine are just so much better."
Paws truly,
Petey.
